Empty

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Got up from the other side of the bed. Immediately, everything around seems blunt and pointless.

Stared out blankly in the dusty window, the streets looks narrower than it used to be.

Every single thing around is in a grey or pitch black shade. I looked up and the sky seems no less than brighter than its ashen dusk.

Glancing carefully at the corners of the streets and roads I used to walk on by, during the days when I think, things are a lot better than it is now.

At my reflection, I see, I feel, and I look at nothing.

In a glimpse, it may all look the same but inside, an unintentional surge of adamant sad emotions are coiling up.

Gradually, it’s eating me up and everything around seems like it.

A cliche that can no longer be ignored.

It’s like a world where every thing I see and hear is you. A scrapbook of what the used-to-be memories we have. The feeling is frustratingly exaggerated but it is all true.

Guess, it is my fault to build my whole world dedicated to you. Suffocation is what it is.

Exhaustion from every single moment I’m witnessing. Right from here, to there, to anywhere.. the visions were all about you.

Decided to close my eyes for a moment but then, just right in the picture of us together and all the memories you’ve left are coming right through me, inexplicably.

Nothing can be done, all efforts seem worthless and dysfunctional. I was left with no choice but to deal and taste the painful bite of reality. All I can do is to go through with this affliction. For how long it may be? I don’t know. But surely, it’ll take more and more time than I can ever imagine…

 

This post was inspired by a song with the same title. I am usually like this, whenever I hear something many ideas are coming through my mind then, I just suddenly decided to produce something poetical out of it. It’s like creating my own interpretation or version of that specific theme. So yeah, this is purely based on the emotions of the song I’ve heard. =) 

 

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Cluttered

cluttered

Long pause.

A string of unstable yet endless breathing.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Hush.

An elsewhere risk of fate,

and an over and over anticipation

of should haves and could bes.

Yet, no matter what

everything is in disarray.

Far away,

there’s no other entree.

In deep solitude

yet no matter what

everything seems pointless and dull.

An endpoint to a long way.

Everything’s inexplicably in an uproar.

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Sorry

sorry

This will be the last time I will say it.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired doing it over and over again.
No matter what I do,
You always do the same thing.

Perhaps, you can live with that,
A world without me.
And so do I.

I’m tired of being under someone else’s erratic control.
Somehow, I wanted to find my own self.

And I’m starting of with doing a total re-run in my life.
Without you and all your made up hypocrisy.

Regrets are done cause now,
I’m living my own extravagant life.

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Infatuation and all those “make believe” realities…

infatuation

It is the unacknowledged attention you’ve given that makes it more difficult to accept that there’s really nothing between you and your one-sided affection/attraction to the other person.

One, you’re being to expectant that there’ll be something more, apart from this obviously bizarre love or like or love or like affair.

Two, it’s the anonymity itself that makes it even harder to recognize. You know every single detail about him/her but, do they know that someone like you is existing?

Three, it’s the stolen glances and restricted stares that makes your heart giddy and beating too fast, too fast that you can’t barely contain yourself. And that forbidden shouty sign saying, “Hey! I’ve been stalking you for a very long time now and we’ve been meeting coincidentally for long now, why can’t you see that as fate making its move to let us meet and start talking to me!”

Four, it is the make-believe “meant-to-be” encounters that makes you think that maybe, just maybe you both like each other. Whereas, the idea maybe true but not to both of you, just for you.

Five, the idea of you being struck by the thought of hopelessly being in love with the person and “that” person being in love with someone else, which is totally incomprehensible because you know that you two were “matchmade in heaven.”

Six, the so-called signs and commonality between you and “that” person whereas truth is, he/she doesn’t mind it all.

Finally, the too much “expectation” that there’s really something going between you two but then, if you think about it there’s nothing but your illusion, and that somehow that person will realize that someone like you, who is very perfect for him, is existing.

Admiration will never equate to love, like nor infatuation, not unless both sides are aware of its presence.

It sure is easy to believe that every single coincidence in your life may mean something but, what if..it is but,

just a total leap of fate, with nothing more nor nothing less.

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