First Love. First Courtship. First Heartbreak. First of the firsts.

FIRST LOVE.

I was a transferee wayback then, I don’t know but I just find it hard to fit in, in my new school. Everyone and everybody seems pretty cold about me. The room, the faces, the people, the surroundings, I mean it, everything.

One, two and three months had passed, I’m actually pretty cool about my new academe until.. There’s a sudden change in the arrangement.

Once again, everything’s so different and new. I can’t barely remember seeing their or his in the four side corner of the room.

I thought everything is doing fine but then, what’s usually happening I’m always wrong about it…

That incident started all this chaotic situation, it is when he teased me and tears ran down my cheeks. He became so panicky and worried all over when I started crying.

Days, weeks and even months had passed, he confessed in front of me. I realized that, it also the time my heart started beating so fast. I was dumbfounded by his admission that he liked me and it stoned in my place for moments and so.

FIRST CONFESSION.

I ran as fast as I could, confused of what to feel and how should I act upon the situation “HE” put me into.

My heart is rigidly beating so fast even after the day of his admission…

A week had passed….

COURTSHIP.

“HE” began giving gifts to me even if I don’t ask for them.

“HE” insisted on accompanying me on my way home.

“HE” let his friends wait for him while, he’s waiting for me to finish up and go home.

“HE” is patiently taming me even if it seems like I’m rejecting each and every offer he’s giving me and I’m pushing him away from me.

“HE” told me he likes me for the second time…

BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH.

The riotous and confusing feeling enveloping me is what really restrains me from figuring out what or how do I feel about him. Parents’ restrictions. Studies. Alien Feelings. Confusion. And doubts.

Those pretty much summed up my undecided-ness about everything.

I ask for some time to think the whole set-up through once again, he agrees but then…

Suddenly, something is up in the air once again..

He no longer seated beside me, he decided on moving away from me.

Again.. I try hard to think on these things through.. hard as I can..

 

FIRST HEARTBREAK

At last! I’ve made up my mind, I’m going to tell him that I like him back.

But then, . . .

I’ve come to know that he’s pursuing another girl, a girl who happens to be one of my dearest friend.

My world crumbles at the news. I smile. I interact. I study. I eat. I act. But it’s not me.

The pain was so unbearable. Love is harsh. Love is selfish and most of all Love is UNFAIR.

I started counting when’s the last time he told me he still like me.For how many times now? 3rd or 4th? and that he’s willing to wait for me until I’m ready to commit but then, . . . what’s happening?

I don’t understand why everything is just so blurry and contradicting now.

I try looking at him eye to eye, to understand things between us better unfortunately, he’s always avoiding me. He now, never let the two of us be alone together. It’s as if he’s preventing the chances that only we two could talk and be together to clear things up.

 

AND IT’S THE CHEESY ONES AGAIN

One month, two months, February…

When things are going okay with me, why do you have to come back again?

Flowers and chocolates eh?

Yes, he gave me those but not meaning anything to me just a normal valentines gift.

Too bad, I’m not a flowers nor roses fan.

 

ANOTHER MIND-BLOWING CONFESSION, CONFUSION

Weeks after or days after he gave me flowers (a bouquet to be exact) together with some bunch of chocolates, as I was preparing to go home he suddenly appeared on our room’s doorway intently looking at me and said, “You’re still the one I like.. err.. I still like you no matter what,” then he just ran off out of my sight without hearing my response.

Mind shock. What the hell did he just do? I’m all better and is moving on from the heartbreak he gave me. I’m actually keeping up with my life again until this thing happened again…

He is just so unpredictable and a total jerk! Why the hell did he have to do that?

And so this again huh? Another series of confusion and uneasiness in my newly-recovered system.

 

THINKING EVERYTHING THROUGH…

Summer is coming by so fast… After his wild confession I’ve never heard anything from him like ever again. And so, this is part of his another inconsistent move, huh? BS!!! Thanks for ruining my life again.

 

SUMMER VACATION

A week before the distribution of grades he contacted me, he said he wants to talk and say something to me. I said sure, let’s meet after I get hold of my grades.

The day… (he said he wanted to talk came)

And so, this is the day…

I got my grades together with a girl friend, to be honest I’m quite jumpy inside wondering what does this person wants to talk about.

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